alan.

The nights alone at the edge of the water are often the hardest. I’ve spent many nights here breathing in salty air awaiting an answer to a thousand questions running miles through my head. Water thrashes around me, whispering sweet nothings; suddenly I am reminded of times I spent with Alan, although now it seemed we were living in two different worlds. We often fished here, but occasionally we would lie along the shoreline and have nose-to-nose conversations about everything and nothing simultaneously. His eyes were the most piercing cerulean, and as he spoke I felt them pierce through me like the sharpest of razors. He and I had something beautiful, much like the magic produced by the waves. Like the waves, though, the magic soon washed away so suddenly that I was left questioning the smallest parts of my own identity. I had completely lost myself in what it meant to share a remarkable love with another being, and truthfully, I was unsure of how our situation had changed so drastically.
At times, it seemed as if our time together was valuable, and we were two halves of the same heart. I hadn’t believed in second chances until I was graced with his presence three years ago; everything about him was unexplored and precious. Even the way he took drags from a cigarette was absolutely elegant to me, and none of his actions were expected. He was quiet, and had only the best intentions. He had dreams of running away to England and I didn’t know it at the time, but so did I.  We expressed our most intimate thoughts to one another, and made plans for a future that was only uncertain. Even in his darkest and most twisted times, he created fireworks deep in my veins, and for that I will eternally be thankful.