MaybeSomedayx

The nights alone at the edge of the water are often the hardest. I’ve spent many nights here breathing in salty air awaiting an answer to a thousand questions running miles through my head. Water thrashes around me, whispering sweet nothings; suddenly I am reminded of times I spent with Alan, although now it seemed we were living in two different worlds. We often fished here, but occasionally we would lie along the shoreline and have nose-to-nose conversations about everything and nothing simultaneously. His eyes were the most piercing cerulean, and as he spoke I felt them pierce through me like the sharpest of razors. He and I had some

i'm no stranger to [ substances ] or ways to get inside someone's head. i'm no stranger to the small of someone's back. i'm honest when i lie and i lie when i'm honest.                                                                   i turn failed attempts                      at alcohol fueled encounters                      into novels,             and genuine doses of reality into nightmares.                             i crave acceptance and safety,                       but i'm running from a woman i don't even know.                             i am old enough to have a past,                       but young enough to have

i. i am sorry that public service announcements are somewhat ineffective. i am sorry that no matter how hard you try, you will not pass the fitness test. you cannot climb a rope. that is just silly. ii. i am sorry that your suspenders do not hold up your jeans. i did not know that twelve-year-old boys who are twenty-something on the outside were in need of giant elastic bands. they make large rubber bands, you know. iii. i am sorry that you always lose at monopoly. i am not sorry that you do not take my advice. i am sorry that you cannot breathe and the air jumps through you and you are a walking pogo stick with plastic bones. i am sorry

let's move                to a place                                 where it is cold forever                                  so that we can dance in the snow, make angels and sleep in the space between dawn and night- fall in the chasm and dangle in the warmth of everything we knew; let's move to a place where we know no margin and there's no sign of home.

remember when we bought balloons with our allowance? we walked up to the hillside, and we let them go. your mother told me all of the people in heaven missed their families, so we wrote "i love you" on every yellow balloon. yellow was my mother's favorite. and i'm sure my mother missed me too.

you are a storyteller and i want to know everything that you are willing to share with  me. i will become a human sponge, and soak in the words that spill from your lips. they are scarred and torn, but they are yours, and that makes them inexplicably perfect, tangible and fresh. you are young and unexplored, and i am a traveler. sometimes we journey into places that do not deserve our presence. this is expected, and we must adjust ourselves to the new surroundings, which is easier said than done; my compass points to an endless plain, marked with oddity and a heart made of kaolin. i promise not to

we are sleeping but you'd never know it because we are still alive our teeth are not clenched and our fingers are not laced but we are loving we are happy but you'd never know it because we are still bawling our hopes are too high just for all the wrong reasons but we are thankful we are dead but we are okay, because we know our hopes were too high and that's alright since everything else will just slip but we are loving and that is all we will ever need to get by.

you are a sidewalk-chalk smile and a broken guitar string; you aren't perfect, but you're alright. i pick up my phone at three in the morning just after the end credits to your favorite tv show. please show me what i'm hoping might be there. but it's still nothing, there's no alert. new text message: go to sleep. sleep with one eye open, maybe. both? not a chance. i trust myself enough not to fall in love with you.

dear favorite internet friend, you are a fiesty, spunky Canadian girl, and i love you dearly for putting up with me for these four years. our girl talk is the best part of every day. you will never know how proud i am of you for everything you've been through and overcome. i love you.